sometimes i wish i could wake up and not feel that awful, familiar ball of gut wrenching dread at the thought of another day. another day of smiling, pleases and thank yous, do this do that, grin and bear it, “i’m fine”, “get your head out of the clouds”. another day of the same people and trivial problems and meaningless chatter and everyone’s talking and no one’s listening and no one’s looking and no one sees anything. another day of day dreaming about the future, another day of feeling helpless and stuck. i wish that would all go away so i could just be free to do what i want, think for myself and do something that scares me every day.

(Source: fr-agile)

all going good until the fucking gps got us lost in the middle of no where, but we are safe and sound in bunbury now :) biggest headache though! we are hopefully going shopping tomorrow so i can buy some new shorts to wear to groovin the moo and then the festival on saturday with all my favourites! and it’s my best friend’s 18th that day as well so a crazy celebration shall be in order for that night! well im off, will try and get on here as much as i can but to all my little fellow groovers, see you saturday! xx

Even though I never show it, I do love you very much and appreciate all the things you do for me, no matter how small. You are basically a single mum and work so hard to make us all happy and today is the day (everyday should be though!) to return the favour! So happy mothers day Mumma bear, I hope you have a smashing day and get spoilt like you deserve to be! Xxx

okay hopefully she doesn’t see it because it could be pretty embarrassing cause i’m quite sure she hates me, but this is my well, old best friend. i’ve had plenty of ‘best friends’ in the past and i have some good mates now, but she was my real best friend. we got along so well and we just clicked. she was an amazing person and probably still is, but i wouldn’t know that because i legit havent spoken to her for a good 3 months or so. sure, she’s found new friends and doesn’t talk to me anymore but i guess that’s what happens when school finishes - everything just changes and nothing will ever be the same again. nothing will ever be the same as what it was in this video. but we were the best of friends and everyone knew it. we would do everything together and hang out every single day and i would never get sick of her. we would moped around and roll down hills and go planking and make music videos and go to parties and take photos and watch movies and gossip and facebook stalk people and everything your typical best friends would do. but hey, there’s no going back and i’m happy that she’s happy and i hate to say it, but i really do miss my best friend and it sucks because what’s the point of missing someone who doesn’t miss you?

I can’t wait for you to find out the hard way, you brought it all on yourself

You and I were inseparable and everyone knew it. I don’t know what’s going on at the moment but I know that I will never give up on you and it hurts so much thinking that you could. I feel like shit because right now I feel like everyone’s giving up on me. There’s that other person, things got a little bit sticky and you left. You left me hanging for so long. What the fuck was I meant to do, I felt so lost I still do you have no idea how much I need you and even thinking about it or remembering what used to be just kills me. I sometimes stumble upon little things that remind me of us and I hate it I actually want to cry, but I won’t because I tell myself I’m stronger than that. I’m not though. The fucking point is that I need someone who won’t give up on me because right now I feel like shit.

So pretty much, the main thing I wanted to say here was I miss you. I miss my buddy and the cugs that came with that. I miss jetty jumping and afternoon naps and watching movies all day and when you’d make me popcorn and I actually liked it. I loved going to watch you play football with Marley and your mum when you played. I miss going to Perth and living off dare’s and On The Brightside, when we just laid on the grass, hand in hand, listening to Angus and Julia Stone. I used to love when I’d growl and you’d call me Little Cub, and when you would kiss me on the nose and just be really cute in general. I miss your letters and the cute little animal drawings that came with them. I miss going to the shed and playing soccer in the backyard. I miss sleepovers and playing with the animals. I miss cutting your hair and wearing your clothes and you telling me my room was always messy. I miss going to Salmon’s with you and i absolutely miss going out for dinner and to the movies. It only happened once, but it was seriously the most amazing thing you had ever done for me and you made me feel so loved and happy. But not only do I miss you, Lance misses you too.

You have hurt me so much you would never understand, and I’m sure I’ve hurt you too. I’m sorry for everything I’ve done wrong. I’m sorry for being a terrible girlfriend. You treated me perfectly, there was nothing wrong with the way you treated me, even if it wasn’t up to other people’s standards. I never wanted to be treated like a princess. I didn’t want to be bought the whole world on my birthday. I wanted a best friend who would cheer me up when I’m sad, tease me and play games with me. You we’re the perfect boyfriend and best friend and I’m sorry I never told you.

I’ve realised this now, that it just wasn’t meant to be and I’ve reached the point where I’m tired of trying to fix everything, but it’s not giving up. It’s just doing what’s right, even if it hurts. There is so much more I have to say, but there is no point in even trying anymore. I know you hate me for everything I’ve done, I just wish you’d believe me when I try to make things right. I know you’ve moved on and so should I. You meant a lot to me, and even though it’s so fucked up now, you always will.

You tell me one thing but you mean another. You’re rude yet so kind but also the biggest asshole at the same time. You tell me ‘let’s be friends, I want to be friends’ but have a winge when I start to make new friends, saying that you meant nothing. Well no that is not the case! Just because I kissed a boy does not mean you meant nothing the whole 8 months we were dating. Maybe being dumped via a text message the day after our anniversary made me feel like I meant nothing, think about it. But no, you did and you still do mean so much, I just can’t show it to you. You push me away and make me move further and further towards moving on when I know I probably never will. You are doing this, if you don’t want me to be with other boys, just say so but it’s not like you can stop me. So before you have a sook to me about how you meant nothing, think about how shitty I feel. Jesus Christ, you make me want to scream.

but what i miss the most is being apart of the most amazing second family. they are literally so lovely and made me feel so welcome in their home and i loved going there. they always had the greatest food and even though sometimes it was cold inside, the feeling was just so warm because there is always so much love and never seemed like a sad place to be. it made me so happy going there and having sleepovers and watching movies and having dinner like a normal family did and playing with all the animals. i had another little sister and she is my best friend too and we would always talk about boys and i’d give her my clothes and go for drives and ahhhh, i can’t explain it all in a text post but i just miss going there so so much, it’s unbelievable :(

I don’t expect you to text me 24/7. I don’t expect you to call me everyday. I don’t expect you to choose me over your boys. I don’t expect you to ditch all your girl best friends for me. I don’t expect you to surprise me with roses. I don’t expect you to buy me the world on my birthday. I don’t expect you to always agree with what I say. I don’t expect you to pay for everything. I don’t expect you to go out of your way and buy all the things that I mention I wanted. I don’t expect you to brag about me to all your friends. I don’t expect you to keep all your promises. I don’t expect you to believe I’m the best girlfriend in the whole world. I don’t expect you to stop checking out other girls. I don’t expect you to never mention a hot girl in front of me. I don’t expect you to already know what I want. I don’t expect you to never be mad at me. I just expect you to be trustworthy, to trust me, to never take me for granted like I won’t take you for granted, to always be real with me, to keep equality between us, and to love me. That’s all.